Run! It's the Reality
by SnowingStarDust
Summary: Yamamoto Takeshi had it all: a place in a baseball team, a secured future and a beautiful girlfriend. But why wasn't he happy? He started to find out why when he ran into a small brunet boy who dragged him into a world brighter and full of life. No, wait, he might have just invited himself in. Non-mafia AU, 8027
1. Prologue

Name: Run! It's the reality_ (Might change if I come up with a better name. I'm not good with titles)_

Rating: T

Genre: Romance, drama, everything I come up with

Pairing: 8027 (Takeshi/Tsuna), at the beginning Takeshi/Haru

Disclaimer: I do not own KHR, just playing around

Summary: _Yamamoto Takeshi had it all: a place in a baseball team, a secured future and a beautiful girlfriend. But why wasn't he happy? He started to find out when he ran into a small brunet boy who dragged him into a world brighter and full of life. _

A/N: I wanted to write something with no plan, with no boundaries, with no stress involved. So yes, I'll write whatever comes to my mind, however I feel like. Even if it's drama now it might become humour much later. Who knows and that's the best about this :D I wanted to write something that doesn't have a plot or such, just for fun and this is what came out. I'll continue Living in the Color soon but I still got a lot of school work unfinished. But I've written 1/3 of it so it's not that far away from being finished. For now, I'm giving you 8027 (and pretty sure 0027 and G27, too bad I don't have other R27 fics on mind). See you guys! I'm heading out.

Ps. There won't be mafia stuff going on so Tsuna's not a heir and Yamamoto will not be his guardian.

* * *

_Prologue_

Yamamoto Takeshi was content with his life. He was a baseball star, he got many friends around him, he got decent enough grades when he tried and he had a pretty girlfriend. Miura Haru was an energetic 17 years old, same age as he was. She loved to make costumes and loved Takeshi to no end. She poured her feelings on the boy daily, they met every day to just hang out and make out, even went to dates regularly. Takeshi really had it all. His future was secured just like that. If he and Haru stayed together they'd one day marry and have kids. It was a safe relationship and Takeshi had never again to be afraid to be left alone.

Yet why wasn't he happy?

For many years he had wanted someone by his side, someone who could take his happy-go-lucky attitude without problems, someone that would tell him if he was an idiot and then at the end of the day cuddle together and be a happy couple they were. That was what Haru believed they were and what Takeshi wanted to believe. Yet he felt suffocated. He was a social person, alright. He liked to hang out with Haru. It was fun and she made him laugh. She understood him perfectly and they actually had things in common when they had just learnt to know each other first. And still he felt like something was missing, something wasn't right.

Every kiss they shared was good and caused some kind of reaction in Takeshi but that was it. Eventually, after 5 months the kisses, touches, had lost their spark and the kisses felt just like… kisses. Nothing more than moving his mouth against hers and noting how wet it all was. She was beautiful, like a model actually. His dad had been really happy when he'd introduced her to him, telling Takeshi he'd got quite a catch there. Even Takeshi thought so. But still even her looks didn't make kisses feel any better.

They talked about the future often even though they were just high schoolers. They talked about what they wanted to name their kids, how many of them they wanted and what kind of living environment would be ideal. They even talked about weddings since Haru was crazy about them and their future plans with careers. And the day Haru had told Takeshi that she loved him had startled him to the surface of the world harder than any of their other conversations. She was serious. She wanted all that above with _him_. And Takeshi didn't feel like he was ready to this yet. Something inside of him crashed against the gage that was slowly but way too fast forming around him, wanting to be free once again. He didn't want to think about what happened ten years in the future or say 'I love yous' when he didn't feel like he meant them. He was unsure of his own feelings, still just a kid and a baseball nuts while Haru knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted Takeshi and Takeshi didn't want her. Takeshi wanted to be free.

Still, it would have been stupid of him to throw away such a great chance. He got a girlfriend that was ready to do anything for him, ready to _marry _him when they got out of high school and were starting their adult life. But Takeshi wasn't the sharpest kid around and his motto was to live in the moment. Once, back in the middle school, he'd been so down that he'd almost commit a suicide. After deciding otherwise he'd decided not to worry too much about the future, about others and live only for himself. The present was what mattered most to him. Now that someone tried to force him to think about it seriously he got anguished. His instincts told him to run, that being alone was better than staying in a relationship he wasn't comfortable in.

In the end he found out that breaking up would be the only best choice for both of them. Haru didn't deserve someone who didn't love her as much as she loved him. But then something was stopping him. What would he explain to her? That he doesn't love her? Or that he didn't feel comfortable in the relationship? He knew that Haru was a very emotional girl and would definitely burst into tears after his revelation. She'd be so broken and Takeshi would have to be the one to do it. It felt like a murder, destroying someone else's happiness because of his own selfishness. For a while he cursed himself to even start the relationship with her but then he remembered all the good moments and memories he'd gotten while dating her. He didn't regret them but it'd still be so much easier.

Though, if he hadn't started to date Haru and started to feel those suffocating feelings, he would have never noticed other things within him. Maybe later, but not as soon as he did now. It was both a blessing and a curse. After understanding something so absurd he felt fear and then he understood. It all made sense. Why hadn't he noticed something so flagrant?

There was a reason why he didn't turn on while making out with Haru. It was quite simple reason but in a larger picture it was nothing but. The start of his changing was when he pumped into someone, a boy that he'd never talked with before but who had then helped him with picking up his scattered stuff from the floor of the school's hallways. They'd talked, for the reason unknown. Takeshi had a habit to make friends quickly with new people he'd met but usually their topics were weather, baseball or homework. This time, from the first meeting, they were talking about the future.

His name was Sawada Tsunayoshi. He had a gravity defying brown hair and chocolate brown eyes that looked up at him brightly. The brunet had seen Takeshi's posters about famous baseball teams and schools around the world that Takeshi had a dream to go to study. He wanted to be a professional player but he felt like he shouldn't follow that dream. It was crazy and childish after all. He had Haru and if he was smart, he'd settle down to a nice, small town good for their future children and become a normal business man like normally dads were.

He hated the idea and Takeshi rarely hated anything. He coped with things but now every cell inside of him fought against it.

Tsunayoshi had seem to know him, he said they'd been in the same class during their middle school years and Takeshi felt really horrible for not remembering such a sweet boy. The brunet waved it away like it was nothing, saying it was normal. He wasn't anything special. There was a hint of something in his eyes that Takeshi couldn't fathom. It felt close to the baseballer, like he knew that look but he simply passed the feeling as a confusion.

Then they'd talked about where Takeshi would like to go the most and he'd said America. They had such a good players and he'd give anything to be like one of them. Tsunayoshi'd smiled at him, blushing a little and said, _"I believe Yamamoto-kun can do anything he wants"_. He'd been the first to say so. Even when his father had been encouraging he'd always said the family came before career. He understood his dad and thought so too but for some reason, when there was actually someone who _believed in him_ _truly_, he wanted to go more than anything. Before he had even thought about thanking or simply smiling, he'd done something completely weird. He hugged the other boy. Even though Tsunayoshi hadn't said much, only a simple sentence, Takeshi knew he'd meant every word. There in front of him stood a selfless boy who didn't know Takeshi and yet he'd said with such a certainty that Takeshi had it something to be whatever he wanted. And he had never noticed him before. That was a shame because the black haired boy felt like he'd never met anyone with such pure feelings before.

He had to keep this boy.

When he drew away from the crimson faced teenager, Takeshi'd laughed feeling lighter than for a long time. No, his problems weren't gone just like that. They still remained there in the background, always present, but at that moment when he'd talked with Tsuna he'd felt all the hard questions being lifted away from his shoulders. He was really thankful for that, even if it was just for a little while.

After that they'd parted ways, Tsuna going wherever he had to go and Takeshi heading for the next class. The whole way the boy was smiling brightly, remembering the brunet. His fluffy hair. His small smile. His eyes that hid much more than Takeshi was able to read. He knew that he'd met someone who'd become really important to him and he'd keep him close, no matter what.

Something jumped in Takeshi's stomach when he remembered the words, their conversation. Then he paused when he remembered he had forgotten to ask Tsunayoshi what he wanted to do in the future. After wondering it for a while Yamamoto had shrugged and continued walking with small skips. He knew they'd meet again very soon now that he had met the brunet once and knew he went to the same school. So when they met, he'd ask about it and help the boy as much as he could because he owed that to him. He'd gladly give the boy whatever he wanted.


	2. Chapter 1

Warning: It feels like Yamamoto's OOC. But he's not quite himself. Yet. Just wait and I'll get back to the happy-go-lucky dude we all know. Maybe. Haha~

A/N: I'm having a bad day. A very shitty one, actually. It feels like life's trying to kick me into the balls (if I had them but since I'm a girl and well, you know…) or at least in the head. I feel like I'm a bad person and selfish and so on and needed some therapy. So let me tell you, there's no better therapy than writing and that's why I'm happy I started this fic. Because Yamamoto's mood is closest the mood I'm in now. So this is a short chapter and not that happy or action-filled (okay, nothing exciting happens). I just needed to write something angsty. I hate life sometimes. It's such a bitch.

* * *

_Chapter 1_

He couldn't move his eyes when he watched how he sat by his desk, back hunched over the book. How he suddenly jumped a little when someone touched his arm fleetingly while walking up to the board. How he kept glancing at the clock on the wall which seemed to move too slowly for him, too fast for Takeshi.

Then the bell rang and he jumped up, shoving the books quickly to the worn messenger bag.

He left, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"-shi. Takeshi-san?" Takeshi snapped back to reality and met curious and worried brown eyes. "Are you alright? I was calling you for a while now."

"Ahaha, yeah, sorry. I think I just dazed out."

Takeshi ruffled his short hair and shook his head. With a wide smile he met Haru's eyes once again, hoping his expression didn't show out the confusion he was feeling. It looked like he had practiced that smile, perfected it till it was as bright and worry-free as always, during the few months. His girlfriend simply smiled back, fishing out two bentos from his pink backpack. Then she started rambling about what she'd done with her best friend Kyoko yesterday and what cakes they'd tasted. Takeshi smiled and nodded.

He tried to concentrate and stay in the present moment but just like during few weeks – months? – now, his own thoughts forced their way through his thick head and demanded attention. His smile felt like that one he'd used to wear. When he had been so down, when he'd tried to do something as stupid as end his own life.

No, he didn't feel like doing it again. He'd learned after that what life meant, how important it was and especially how short it was to waste it on worrying and depression. He'd been there and learned. Yet, he was confused. His smile couldn't reach the eyes, even he knew it. He didn't need to see himself to know it. Slightly he tilted his head while observing the girl in front of him, eating happily and talking all the while.

He'd met Haru when they were fourteen. She'd transferred to Takeshi's class after moving to Namimori with her parents. They hadn't talked at first and the girl had made friends with the school idol Kyoko. But as all sportsmen tend to knew each other, even Takeshi despite being a baseball player knew Kyoko's older brother Ryohei who was a boxer. Ryohei had one day invited Takeshi to watch the boxing match and the boy had accepted the invitation. At the match the white haired boxer had left Takeshi with his sister and her friend, Haru, and that way they'd started to talk.

First it'd been a friendly chatting about school. Then their conversations became deeper and as the time went on they'd started to go to dates. It hadn't been that long as that had happened. Actually it'd taken until they were in High School. Before they started to date they'd known each other at least somehow and been good friends for three months before they hit it off.

And that's what made it all so hard and complicated. He cared yet he didn't care quite enough to continue their relationship.

He watched as Haru expressed the topic she was explaining with her hands. She was shining and so painfully happy. _She didn't know._

They had to talk.

Haru lifted the chopsticks up, a sushi roll pressed between them. Then she brought it to Takeshi's lips and prompted him to eat. The boy opened his mouth and took it.

He felt ashamed of himself. He knew what he had to do, he knew what he did was wrong for her. Yet he led Haru on and continued this. Some part of him was afraid he'd make a mistake if he left her but the bigger part of him found the situation unbearable.

"Ne, ne, do you want to come to Haru's place today?" Haru looked at him expectantly.

Now, he had few options. He could say '_No, I'm busy'_ when he actually wasn't but being with her felt like pretending and lying. They'd most probably start kissing and if Takeshi declined, it'd bring up questions and suspicion. Then that led to the second option, he could talk. Then it'd be all over and every day onwards would be such a pain at school when they had to meet and sit close to each other. The third option was that Takeshi went there, played his role and tried to tell himself everything was like before. He was happy. He wanted this. The future would be good for him and secured. _He was happy_.

He was disgusted how selfish he was. He had always prided himself as an honest man and here he was, thinking the easiest way out. When had he become like this? When he'd started to think about his situation too seriously and the world had started to look like a really oppressive place. That was it?

The bell rang, signalling the lunch break was over. The door opened numerous times and finally the one Takeshi waited for came through the door. He watched as the brunet that apparently was at most of his lessons and he hadn't known (which made him feel even worse) entered, lifted his gaze as if sensing Takeshi was staring at him and met his eyes. Takeshi waved happily, wondering why the other teen blushed and looked surprised. Then Tsunayoshi started to look wildly around as if he was worried about something or searching something. Takeshi dropped his smile and started to search too. Though, he didn't move his eyes away from the brunet but tried to find that something from the other boy.

He wanted to feel that blissful feeling of not needing to worry about a thing. That everything was okay. He wanted that feeling again and again and again. And somehow, he felt at least a little lighter and even chuckled when the smaller boy almost ran to his seat and almost dropped all his books. It was kinda cute how his hair looked even messier than before when he finally made it to his place, he and books all safe.

"Yeah, I'll come today."

He'd figure something out. Later.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Wrote this already yesterday and wrote the chapter 3 today. Looks like I'm on fire with this. Though, now I need to concentrate on school once again. About two weeks left, you see.

**Guest:** Thanks you ^^ I'm glad you like it and I can't wait too. Maybe it'll get a plot or maybe it'll stay like this. Who knows~

* * *

_Chapter 2_

Takeshi waited patiently, staring at the door without a blink. The day before he hadn't had a chance to talk to him. Today, he'd make sure they meet. Since they met last week he'd felt this great urge to talk to him, ask what he wanted to do in the future and then maybe ask him to hang out with him. He'd followed the teen for past few days but not approached him. To be honest, Takeshi felt at least a little like a stalker or some pervert. Usually he didn't just observe. It was more like him to act.

And that was what he would do today.

There weren't many in the classroom yet since it was the first lesson of the day and Takeshi always arrived early. Of course first he exercised before heading for school so he'd already been few hours awake. Some students came through the door looking like they'd do anything to get back to sleep. Takeshi smiled all of them and chitchatted something casual for a while. He didn't let his eyes wander off of the door for too long, though.

He'd noted that some days the brunet, Tsunayoshi, came to school late looking red from running and black and blue from his encounter with the school prefect. But there were some days he was early. Like the last week's Friday when Takeshi'd seen him the first time at class and last Tuesday. Today was once again Friday and he hoped this was one of those days he came early.

And it was. Takeshi held down his triumph and bolted up right when he noticed a brown mane of unruly hair behind the window. The door slid open and a thin boy entered, looking tired and apathetic. Takeshi walked up to him.

"Yo, Tsunayoshi!" he greeted. The boy in front of him jumped in surprise (he was oddly easy to frighten) and yelped.

"Y-Yamamoto-kun," he sighed when he saw who was talking to him. He looked like he wanted to say something but then closed his mouth and opened again just to say, "Good morning." And he smiled.

They stood there for a while and suddenly Takeshi felt a little shy. He usually didn't feel that way but he hadn't been his usual self for a while now and he ignored the feeling. Instead he shifted on his feet and decided that it was his job to say something. He had been the one to want to talk after all.

"You're early today."

Tsuna simply nodded and sat on his seat since they were standing beside it. "Yes, I… I woke up earlier than usual." He blushed and Takeshi fought back the urge to swipe the red cheek with his thumb. Instead he drew a seat from the desk beside Tsunayoshi and sat across the boy, leaning on his hands. He smiled easily, easier than for a while and looked how the color of the brown eyes seemed to be alive. It was so vibrant and shone in the sunlight that poured out of the window. It gave the chocolate many different shades. Takeshi laughed inwardly. Like a milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate… or maybe not white.

The boy seemed to hesitate for a while, twisting the corners of his math book nervously. "You… you are early too."

"Yup! I always am! You know, I go for a jog when I wake up at five thirty and then I do some push-ups and so on." Tsunayoshi's eyes widened in shock. "It keeps the body in shape."

For a while the boy stared at him, mouth hanging open. Then he closed it with a snap and shook his head muttering something to himself. Then he said aloud with a shy smile, "Yamamoto-kun's pretty amazing."

"Just call me Takeshi, okay?" He didn't want the boy that he was so curious about call him like everybody else did. He saw something special in Tsunayoshi, something good that everyone else seemed to fail to see since no one ever talked to him. There was so much more to him than just a small frame and brown locks. His eyes, especially, they held something.

"I'll call you that if you call me just Tsuna."

Takeshi chuckled, nodding. He felt his heart leap when he mouthed his shortened name. It suited the boy better. With a giddy feeling he started to ask random questions from the boy and they started to talk. It was fun, it was exciting. He knew Tsuna would become the best of friend to him. He just knew. But when he'd just asked the question he'd been wondering for a while now, someone tapped his shoulder before he had a chance to hear the answer. He turned around and actually felt disappointed when he saw Haru who smiled sweetly at him. He held in a sigh and smiled too, the nice giddy feeling dropping like a cold weigh down his stomach. The reality came back to him and he couldn't run from it. He had tried and forgotten that reality was something that always followed you, no matter where you went.

"Takeshi-san, who's your friend?" She was looking at Tsuna now and Takeshi turned to the boy quickly too. He was feeling slightly guilty, who knew why he felt like that. He didn't have a reason. He was only making a new friend, after all. Maybe it was because he'd felt disappointed when Haru arrived?

He was just about to introduce Tsuna to _his girlfriend_ when he saw that look again. In Tsuna's dark eyes lay something darker. It was familiar, frighteningly so. Once bright eyes looked dead, empty and tired. Takeshi knew the look and he wondered what had made the boy look like that. Have those eyes. Was the trigger his question about the future or Haru's appearance?

Takeshi shook the thought away from his head because the look was immediately gone. Tsuna smiled slightly, eyes kind and brown bangs falling down when he bowed. "Nice to meet you. I am Sawada Tsunayoshi."

Haru made a sound of recognition. The black haired boy turned to her with a surprise. Did Haru remember him but he didn't? He wanted to pout at that. "You're Tsuna, aren't you? That Dame-Tsuna?"

_Dame…?_

Tsuna's smile didn't falter even though the girl had called him no-good just now. Takeshi frowned even harder when he nodded and was like it was nothing. He remembered that there had been someone everyone had called dame during their middle school years but it was _this _Tsuna? But he was so kind and nice. How could someone like he be called _dame?_ It made sense though since not a single person had approached him in order to talk. No one had even looked him in the eye nor bullied him (which was good, of course). They simply pretended the boy didn't exist.

And at that moment Takeshi wanted to lash out at everyone. Even those who were his friends. Even at Haru for calling _his friend_ Dame-Tsuna. He felt so angry and defensive suddenly that he had to clench his fists painfully under Tsuna's desk and breathe. In and out. In and out. He had never before lost his calm or his smile so suddenly. But it hurt to think that this sweet boy had to be ignored and called names.

Then he stopped, pain disappearing from his palm as his nails didn't dug into them anymore. _He wasn't any better._

And if the dark look in Tsuna's eyes was what he thought then…

He bowed his head and hoped his bangs would have been longer in order to hide his eyes. He felt guilt, he felt anger. Both. He was angry at himself, he was angry at everyone else. Both. And then he realized that when he'd prided himself as a good and honest man just a few months ago, he'd been only one selfish bastard. He was no good and not honest. He'd literally messed up his life and he'd started doing unfair things even back in middle school. No matter how depressed he'd been back then it didn't give him a permission to ignore someone who had had it just as hard or maybe harder.

Was he really so self-centered that he couldn't see his surroundings?

The teacher came in and Haru tugged him to move. He rose and when he was about to move to his own seat, he glanced to Tsuna and saw his eyes on him.

He looked worried.

Putting on a brave smile, Takeshi showed the other boy he was just fine. He was, but Tsuna might not be and he would be watching him closely from now on. He really liked him and wanted Tsuna to be his friend so he'd start changing himself. He still felt bad, oh yes he loathed himself, but he couldn't help Tsuna if he started to dwell in self-pity too.

Giving the last grin before he moved on, he made a decision to be a better person.

It'd need a lot of work, though.


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm going to play this awesome and free otome game called Aloners. You! Go and play it too. I'm so hooked and I rarely like otome games. But you know, it has a dystopia in it and only one guy and you can define your personality through your choices. Okay, free advertising done. See ya.

* * *

_Chapter 3_

Every day after that Takeshi made sure to pay attention to Tsuna in every way possible. The next day he couldn't do anything else but wave the boy and yell a good morning (he couldn't help but notice how his classmates had looked at him like he'd lost his mind). Day after that had been Sunday and no school. Then the next Monday he had had a chance to say a little more to the boy. Like he should come and see his match the next Saturday and come by to his place to eat some sushi.

Tsuna had blushed and nodded while his eyes looked around nervously when they were in public and if they were alone he'd look Takeshi in the eye and cause some kind of jump in Takeshi's heart occur. The baseball player kind of liked that jump, it made him smile more genuinely and feel free. It was nice, really.

But his smile dropped when Tsuna started to talk even less to him and avoided him when there were others, like Haru or some of Takeshi's team mates around and Takeshi was the one to do the talking. It was like the boy was afraid of others yet he wasn't. He just hid himself into a shell and that look came back into his eyes. Takeshi wondered whether the boy had looked like that even the first day they met but Takeshi had been too stuck up with his own problems to notice. When Tsuna's smile made his heart jump, the thought of a lonely boy made it ache. It was curious how strongly the other boy affected him. Who knew if he caused Takeshi a heart attack next.

Takeshi really hoped he hadn't thought that.

He was practicing his swings with his team since the game was soon when on a brake he'd started to talk about the weather and looked up. Then he saw something that made his heart literally jump out of his chest and then stop beating all together.

There, on the school roof, sat a boy with a spiky brown hair looking like what he did was completely normal. His hair moved around as he sat on the edge, swinging his legs back and forth.

Takeshi's eyes widened, he stopped speaking. His head was blank as he watched in horror. It was like him. Tsuna was like him. On the edge of life and sanity. Then he noticed he was running, hearing distantly the calls of his confused friends. He didn't really think where or how fast he ran, his mind and body just told him to go forward before it was too late. _Please let me be in time. Please let me be in time. Please…_

Black hair glued to his forehead Takeshi finally banged the door to the rooftop open. The powerful wind of upcoming storm hit his face, clearing his messed up thoughts for a while. Without stopping to steady his breathing he started to search frantically the small boy. He turned around and around, ran forward then rounded the concrete walls to the other side of the roof. Tsuna was nowhere.

A shaky hand rose to the teen's mouth, something wanted to push its way up Takeshi's throat. It couldn't be true. He slowly went to the place he had seen Tsuna from below and stared at the empty spot. His eyes focused out, hand touched the railing and he leaned in.

Nothing.

No people roaming around or shouting in panic. No one falling down like a stone. No blood, no body. Suddenly Takeshi found himself sitting on the floor, his feet giving up. Then he laughed while something slid down his cheek. He tried to stop laughing but then noticed he couldn't control himself. His entire body was shaking, maybe from the fear or maybe from the relief. Or maybe from both.

_Tsuna wasn't dead._

After a long while he rose, taking support from the cold fence. He took in a breath, tried to calm down and think rationally. _Where was Tsuna? _Since the boy was nowhere to be found had he been hallucinating? Was this the aftermath of thinking of the boy all the time? Or had he actually been here?

He hoped not.

"Herbivore, what are you doing up here after school hours?"

Takeshi turned around to the cold voice and smiled widely. Hibari Kyoya could sometimes be a very scary and very violent individual but Takeshi couldn't understand why everyone was so afraid of him. "Hello, Hibari-senpai! Sorry, I'm leaving soon."

Though, he knew too not to piss the man off.

He left, trying to forget the incident. His smile dropped, though, once he was out of Hibari's radar. It was a surprise the prefect hadn't bitten him to death but the baseballer knew to be thankful of that. He had enough to think about already anyway.

So since Tsuna wasn't in danger nor anywhere to be found, Takeshi decided to leave the thing be. His mind still saw the empty eyes and the boy sitting at the edge of the roof, only an unforgiving ground underneath. Every time he thought about it he started to feel sick, feel afraid so he decided to forget it altogether before he went nuts. Briefly the boy closed his eyes and then opened them again. He took out the phone and sent a message to the number he knew like his own pockets.

Since he had decided to be a better man he had also decided to give Haru another chance. Maybe he had rushed with his feelings? Maybe he could learn to love her again? Since he couldn't help Tsuna anyway he would concentrate on his girl.

Uneasiness filled his guts. _His girl_…

With a small shake of his head Takeshi started to jog towards the baseball field. He had some explaining to do.

* * *

A/N: Okay, why's everything so depressing? What does that tell about me? Well, I liked to describe Yamamoto's feelings here because I don't think I've ever before tried to write so numbing fear. Tell me how I did, ne?


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: Yo! It's been a while. I really didn't mean to take so long. But, well, school ended and then I was sooo tired I just wanted to be a couch potato. Okay, this chapter here's quite dramatic. I know I could've made it less so but, let's be honest, I love drama! I love dramatic effects. I cry at dramatic scenes. And my friends tend to tease me about it… Anyway! I'm gonna make you, my readers, read some drama here (like this fic isn't dramatic enough) but I can predict the next chapter will be a fluffy one. Yes, I want to write fluff and I think we've reached the end of most drama!

…

Okay, I lied. The next chappy will be fluffy BUT I will not stop writing angst. Not just yet. Since there's still Haru and other things. :D Haha, so much fun~ Enjoy this awkward piece of work of mine and leave a review, mate. Love you all who reviewed, favorited and followed 3 (Ps. my Yamamoto's so OOC… and let's not talk about Tsuna, okay?)

* * *

_Chapter 4_

Takeshi looked down to the smaller boy, head tilted to his left. Tsuna was stuttering something incoherent at the moment and smiling while rubbing the back of his head. He looked really awkward.

"So," Takeshi began. Haru by his side moved impatiently. Takeshi stopped himself just in time before he would glare at the girl. "Do you want to come to eat lunch with us. We're going to go to eat in the backyard. It'll be fun!" He flashed a smile at the other boy to hide his annoyance at Haru and to reassure the brunet it was okay to say yes. Actually, he wanted him to say yes.

"Umm," Tsuna started, glancing worriedly at Haru. "I wonder…" his voice faded.

"You wonder what?"

Suddenly Tsuna looked startled and shook his head. "Nothing! I wonder nothing! Thank you for invitation but I think… I think my friend wants to eat with me today."

Friend? Takeshi hadn't heard of any friend. He hid his curiosity and disappointment when he said with an airy voice, "That's cool then! If you change your mind you know where to find us."

Takeshi saw how Haru smiled too, though it looked a little forceful. "Yes, you're welcome to come with us, Sawada-san."

After that incident when Haru had called Tsuna Dame-Tsuna, Takeshi had talked to her, maybe even been angry and hurt. What he remembered from that time was that he'd scolded the girl who had looked a little frightened when he'd stopped his rant. Later he had regretted the way he'd said thing. Haru was still a girl and very emotional. He knew she regretted blurting out the mocking nickname but the way the girl was moving now revealed the anxiety inside her. She tried but still didn't seem to like Tsuna much. Takeshi wondered why and that attitude was what made him little annoyed yet worried. If they couldn't get along then…

Tsuna shook his head so that his long bangs moved from side to side. "I'm okay. Thanks."

Takeshi and Haru were about to move away when something reached the tall boy's ears. "Even when I'm such a loser…"

"What was it?"

Takeshi turned around and stared the back of Tsuna's head. The boy didn't turn to him right away but when he did, he was smiling once again. "What was what?" he asked, blinking his large eyes. Haru had stopped too, looking confusedly from Takeshi to Tsuna.

"Hahi, what are you two talking about?"

Takeshi didn't let the brown eyes go for a while. He tried to look for something, maybe the darkness or maybe the lie. He didn't find either. Tsuna's eyes were unreadable. He let it go, waved his goodbye and left. Haru followed him, asking what was wrong with him and what was going on. He didn't know either.

Just now he had had a weird feeling, like he'd heard Tsuna's voice speak yet it hadn't been his. It'd been heavy and old. Strained. Then the image of a boy sitting on the edge of the rooftop came to his mind and something churned his stomach. He put a hand on it and tried to tell himself he was imagining thing. Simply over-reacting.

But what if he wasn't and the scenery from yesterday was true.

He'd noticed that Tsuna disappeared every lunch hour and after school very quickly. What he was doing, he didn't know. But he felt that he and Tsuna were similar in many ways and not all of them were positive.

Then he stopped walking all together when he realized he couldn't see or hear anything around him. He forced the thought of the brown haired boy out of his mind and looked at his girlfriend who by now looked ready to call the ambulance.

"What's wrong, Takeshi-san? You look so pale!"

He was pale? Worry calved his insides. He had to check the boy out now.

"Sorry, Haru, can you eat with Kyoko today? I need to check something."

"Hahi? What is— Where are you going?"

"See you later!"

He ran down the same halls he'd just walked. He reached the spot they've left Tsuna just minutes before and the brunet wasn't there. Takeshi wasn't surprised but he didn't stop to think about it even for a second. His mind was only in one place and he hoped he was wrong. But what if he wasn't? What if he found something terrifying? His heart beat harder and breath stuck inside his throat even though he had an athlete's shape. He didn't get out of breath.

Now he did but it was mostly because of the image inside his head.

He was in the stairs when he caught a sight of an unruly hair and he almost fell to his knees like the other day, back when he'd cried because of numbing relief. The moment blurred in his mind and he felt like he wasn't even there, looking at Tsuna's worried, large eyes and laughing out loud. Was he really laughing? Looked like it, Tsuna looked so worried. He'd made Tsuna worried once again when it should have been other way around. Takeshi really failed as a friend, didn't he?

Takeshi held the brunet's shoulders in a sturdy grip, afraid to let go. It felt like if he did, the boy would be once again sitting on the railing, swinging his legs back and forth like he wasn't afraid of falling. He held him, wanted to hold him closer but fought back the urge. Instead, he moved his hands more tenderly to Tsuna's soft cheeks like trying to find any traces of… _something_. Tsuna hadn't winced even under his rough hands but now he looked like he was ready to catch Takeshi if he fell. The black haired boy shook his head a little. Did he really look so bad? Maybe he did. He was just so relieved, once again, that he'd found Tsuna before anything happened.

If anything even happened.

"Takeshi-kun? A-Are you okay?" Worry shone in the shorter teen's eyes, soft hands took Takeshi's into a gentle hold. It made Takeshi feel warm inside, forcing a smile bloom out. Tsuna was there in front of him, he'd been in time. If there even was anything to be worried about. The smile fell, as well as Tsuna's who'd answered to his smile, and dark thoughts filled his head again.

"T-Takeshi-kun?"

He had to get a hold of himself. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to concentrate on breathing. Takeshi's dad had taught him to concentrate on something if he was about to panic, or get angry or anything that included strong, negative emotions. So he did as he was told just after his mother's death and found his smile again. It'd always saved him, it made others feel better. So he smiled because it wasn't him who had something hard going on in his life. Well, if one didn't count how he'd felt like he wasn't happy. Or how he wanted things that were simply stupid dreams.

They didn't really count.

So he let go of Tsuna, regretting the action a little after losing the warmth that had made it all so much easier. Instead he smiled at the boy and said, "Everything's okay. Just wanted to spend a little time with you." Then he laughed good-naturedly. "So does your friend get mad if I join you guys?"

At this Tsuna turned beat red and shifted his gaze nervously towards the door that led to the rooftop. Takeshi waited patiently, smiling encouragingly. "U-Um… I-I might have l-lied… about t-that… just now…" Tsuna's voice faded away.

"Eh? No friend then?"

"No friend."

Takeshi wasn't sure if he was at least a little bit hurt that the brunet had lied to him earlier or if he was relieved that the boy trusted him enough to admit it. And not only that, he also felt _happy _there was no one else and he'd get Tsuna all to himself. It made Takeshi feel disgusted with himself because how could he think like that. Tsuna was his friend and he knew very well how the shy teen was lonely when Takeshi wasn't there. He knew he didn't have many other friends, if any at all since everyone seemed to like to bully him more. It was also one thing that made Takeshi furious. But he let the feeling go for now. He also tried to forget how happy he was he'd have his best friend only for himself because he wanted to concentrate on Tsuna fully. Especially Tsuna's feelings and if what he'd seen earlier was true.

"Okay then. Let's go to eat then, ne?"

Silence surrounded them when Takeshi tried to find a good spot for them to have a picnic and Tsuna let his gaze wander around too. Takeshi almost failed to see what the boy was actually looking at but when he peeked sneakily at him he saw something that made his heart almost stop. Tsuna was looking at the fence lingeringly. Or rather, he was looking at what was behind it.

And then Takeshi had got enough. He was curious, worried and definitely afraid. He had to ask. He wasn't known as one of the most social and honest students of school for nothing, after all. He could hold himself to some point but when he reached the limit he didn't think what he let out of his mouth. And now, he wanted the truth and a peace to his mind.

"Tsuna." The smaller teen turned to him quickly, looking like he'd been caught doing something forbidden. Maybe that was true since this time Takeshi's eyes didn't fail him. He knew what he saw or rather what Tsuna saw. "Did you sit behind that security railing couple of days ago?"

Tsuna jumped a little, avoiding Takeshi's gaze once again and it frustrated the teen to no end. Though, he knew they were talking about sensitive issues and he knew better than many how hard it would be to admit something like that. But actually Takeshi didn't even need those words said aloud because he already knew. Tsuna was like an open book, easy to read and now Takeshi definitely knew his eyes hadn't made mistakes.

He didn't know how to react to that. He just didn't.

A small sigh left the brunet's lips, his eyes still didn't meet Takeshi's. The wind ruffled the brown locks, making them do wild dance. Then he said something that almost froze Takeshi's ability to think calmly.

"Can we sit today there too?"

Silence. "W-what?" Tsuna turned to him. His usually shy eyes were now stern, determined. And that was what made Takeshi nod even before thinking or getting the answer.

He watched silently, mind both racing and freezing, when Tsuna climbed over the fence and sat down very carefully. He wanted to laugh, wave the thing away as a good joke or a funny thing but how could he. This all fought back against his usual attitude so hard he didn't know if he should be like he usually was.

He didn't feel like doing that.

When Tsuna looked back at him all seated Takeshi noticed how he'd tensed his body in order to be ready to catch the brunet if he fell. He let himself relax and step towards the edge that promised a painful fall. The end. _Death_.

He hesitated for a while, hand lingering on the fence. Last time he'd climbed over it was back then. It had been a different railing, of course, but the idea was same. Then he stopped to wonder what he was afraid of. Not falling, no. He knew he could balance himself well enough so he wouldn't fall. And he didn't grave for jumping either. He didn't want to leave Tsuna on the other side alone either, because he was at least a little afraid _for_ him.

So what was it? His past? He laughed dryly inwardly, told himself to stop being an idiot and finally move on. His friend needed him and he was the only one able to help. So he stepped on one hole in the fence and hauled himself over it. The next thing he knew was that he was sitting next to the brunet. The fall, the hard ground looked back at them down below. The sky laughed at them over their heads. If they fell, it wouldn't help them at all.

For a while they ate in a comfortable silence. Or was it tense. It was at least a little but not because of the two occupants but because of the rush of excitement a high place caused. It was like Takeshi's blood was full of adrenalin, mind jumping back and forth between Tsuna and the past. Takeshi closed his eyes and let the wind stroke his face. He smiled.

"Ne, Takeshi-kun." Takeshi's thoughts stopped like a wall had come between them. He looked at the brunet who was gazing up at the sky. His brown eyes were, though, what caught Takeshi's attention. They were somewhere far away and so sad. So lonely. Like Takeshi wasn't even there with him and he was alone with the sky.

"I wonder how it feels."

Takeshi jumped without wanting. He kept his eyes warily on the teen, observing his faraway, yearning eyes. He swallowed, afraid to ask what he meant. He had an idea and he didn't want it to be true. Actually, he was more afraid of the answer than the question itself. But then he heard his own voice speaking, asking quietly, "Falling?"

Tsuna closed his eyes. "No, flying."

"If you jumped, wouldn't you just fall?"

The brunet chuckled. "Maybe." And at that moment he looked so beautiful, Sun shining against his pale skin, leaving golden hint behind. Then Tsuna said something with an almost audible voice, "Maybe that's one way to be free."

"No, it isn't."

Tsuna looked taken aback, not really expecting Takeshi to hear what he'd said. For a while the black haired teen felt sadness. Had anyone ever really heard Tsuna, actually listened to him if the boy found it surprising when someone heard his small whisper? His small plea for help. He pushed the thought away though, he had to say something to the boy who was looking at him wide-eyed and full of something akin to hope.

"You wouldn't be free, you'd be dead," his voice was stern, leaving no room to complaints. He had a lot to say and he wanted Tsuna to listen. He understood what Tsuna meant since once he'd thought like that too. But Tsuna was wrong. Even though he understood, he also understood this wasn't a right way to search for freedom. He didn't know, couldn't understand what kind of life Tsuna had led this far but he'd find out. Tsuna didn't need jumping to find his peaceful land. Takeshi would be the one to set Tsuna free.

And so he explained and Tsuna listened.

"You would be dead. You would be a body with broken bones and twisted limps. There would be blood under you and your skull would be cracked open. You would be _dead_."

Tsuna's eyes were large, full of emotions and Takeshi couldn't keep up with all of them. He wanted Tsuna to understand. "You are too young to die and be free. You still have a whole life to live, so much to experience, so many people to meet and love. You will only be free through death when you're old and seen it all. Then you'll find eternal peace. But if you were to die now, you'd die without even trying to find a freedom."

Tsuna was quiet and staring at him. His eyes were full of emotions, so many emotions Takeshi had hard time to understand them all. But even if it was like that he was happy to have those brown eyes full of something other than emptiness and unreadable dullness. But the stare still made Takeshi feel self-conscious so he shifted a little and scrapped his cheek with a finger.

"I understand," Tsuna said finally, smiling sadly. Takeshi smiled back feeling only relief because he'd been heard and understood. Takeshi realized that this was the first time he'd even talked about it to anyone and while his only purpose had been to help Tsuna, he'd helped himself in the process. It felt like something that had been suffocating him slowly for past years was finally lifted from his chest and gone for good. He felt… free. Ironically, yes. He'd found the freedom.

So now he was ready to give it to Tsuna too.

"Sometimes I just dream of flying away, starting anew somewhere where no one knows me. You know, be myself. Be _free _of _everything._" Tsuna looked up to the sky once again and laughed. "I'd have actual _friends_."

"I'm your friend."

Tsuna's head whipped back to him faster than lightning. Takeshi smiled at him brightly, putting his heart into every word. "I'll be there for you whenever you need someone. I'm your friend."

Tsuna's lips trembled like he was about to cry. Then the boy got it under control and leaned forward, locking Takeshi into a tight hug. The warmth came back to the baseball player and the world felt right again. He wrapped his arms around small shoulders. "Let's find that freedom together, ne?"

Tsuna sniffled against his neck and Takeshi petted his head more. After a while of sniffling and hard gripping of Takeshi's vest, he heard a soft voice say, "Okay."


End file.
